Fool is You Mad

Every day, my spam folder gets filled with those emails promising reward if only I provide my social security number and date of birth. While I admire the moxie of these users that have the uncanny ability to click send, I wonder who succumbs to their efforts. Without question, the email that gets results has to have a heck of a pitch. However, most inboxes don’t have a preview pane. No sales pitch, no matter how well contrived, gets read unless the sender name and subject line inspire you to think, “I have two choices. I can drag this to the trash can or I can double-click the captivating subject line. That ain’t no choice at all.”

Here is today’s submission.

From: Mrs.Kathe Thorsten

I don’t know no Kathe Thorsten.

Kathe? Not Kathy? What’s going on, here? Who is Kathe Thorsten to write me and not even put a space after the period in Mrs?

Wait, do I know a Mr. Thorsten? Nope.

Subject: Hello/.

What the…? Hello? Followed by a slash? And another period?

Maybe Kathe Thorsten is becoming more intelligent in some sort of Flowers for Algernon experiment.

How far I got before I clicked on the big red X under the toolbar:

Dear Friend,

Please read this slowly and carefully as it maybe one of the most important mails you'll ever get.

This is 2014, Kathe. We don’t do anything slowly and carefully. Punctuation may be fun, but this email isn’t. I’m out.